I’m back in 2019! A lot has changed! New Ideas #1

If all set aside our fears about one another, wouldn’t we have more in common? Even, the bad guys have families. Most people believe in God, Gods and Goddesses, or a higher power. Even, Science says, we’re not alone. There are numerous stars, planets, and people.

My first year of college, I used to wonder if the bullies and I liked the same music, why we couldn’t get along. The first real boyfriend, I told him “No one could love you but, a tree. You need someone who will stay in one place, grow in one place.” Nevertheless, he wasn’t ready for a writer girlfriend. No matter how many times, he beat me emotionally and physically: I came back for more. I was a tortured soul. He had cheat, lie, and leave me. I remind shell shocked around him, an anger and fear builds up inside. Some people are friends with their exes. I taught him good music. Without me, he’d still be playing “Eye of the Tiger” on repeat. I’m now with a guy that’s more of a kitten(emotionally). Tigers great until, you take them home and they’re angry in bed. Kittens are soft and cuddle, and finish The Beatles song, you had in your head.

There was a big redhead girl who showed me up every 8th grade Science Class. I was tiny (some might say, “still am”). She babysat for my friend’s little sisters, even though, everybody knew she was too young. She made me feel weird, ever since, she picked me up at Halloween Social (“kiddie prom”).  She liked my Little Sister more than, I liked my Little Sister. I once told people, my Sister was an escape Santa’s elf with pointed ears. The big redhead girl was only scary because of her size. She never hurt me but, I was afraid to stand too close. She seemed taller than, my Mom (the tallest woman in the world, I knew) and bigger than, any other kid. I could have gave her a chance to be my friend but, I never did. She moved before, I ever said, a nice word to her.

When I was younger

I was five, I thought there monsters lived under the bed or in the closet. Now, I know the monsters live in my head and other people's heads. One friend battles depression and it's a common theme of people I meet. There's a debate, endless, but, I couldn't be helpful to others if I lived inside myself. The things that use to scare me, don't scare me anymore. I'm wonderous ( I move within them with curiosity), when I have nightmares. I wonder at things like books and coffee shops and woods... I I take in the mystic nature. I daydream about times gone by, like history stories. I like to imagine that I'm from the 1920s or 30s, a time of big band and jazz. I enjoy The Beatles. I get lost in a good book. I take time for music. I haven't found my mission but, I have a feeling it's just beyond the horizon. I've been told I have an unlikely sort of optimism that isn't found too much in people my age. I've been labeled childish, only because older people often leave their mystical quality and forget about magic and wondering. In other words, these people forgot how to dream and creativity. Without these things the world becomes bland. I believe this is depression- loss of purpose, personality, humanity, creativity, spirituality, the magic in life and love, and ultimately our interpersonal connections with people and God. If we ever find ourselves in that place, we must remember these things are only for a time. We must remember, we do not live forever on this Earth, in this dimension. There are beautiful things. I do not know what may come of me in the next life but, I do not want to hurt myself on this one. So, I will try to see beyond the world society gives me ( stripping off the masks and labels) and wake up every morning believing in the new day. I will fall in love, first with myself. I try to do something that matters. I will try to make things and people better than I found them. I am allow to enjoy myself.

ASL Milestone

My Sister,Andria and I signed across a street. It was awesome because, she's very new to signing and I'm only about to start ASL 103 at PSU.  It was made easier by the fact her mute friend gave her a name sign which, after, three years of signing, I still don't have.

The Truth

This is the truth. I'm a student without a job. I have loans. I want to be a traveling journalist and for reasons beyond me, I want to go to London. I need a job, a boyfriend, and a "real" future. I can't match  society or my clothes. My old friends don't know what's happened to me. My Family will never truly know my whole picture because, I'm a disconnect. My views can't conform because, I was taught freedom, understanding, and individualism. I don't want to use mean language and am shocked by rude words, spoken without love. I show my love and "wear my heart on my sleeve". I'm a complex mind with passion beyond believe. I believe in happiness. I believe in God, Jesus Christ, and the angels. And, I believe in me. I've always trusted my heart. My life is my own and I try to live fearless. I became brave because, there was nothing else to be. I wasn't always this way and change once in a while. Though, it's hard to understand some things in me will never change.And, "love is all you need". What if we could live without judgement on each other and leave the judgement to only the Heavenly Father?

PSU here I come!

University & me, the words have never before, been together for me. Portland State University, I doubted ever getting in. I'm a bit of  the"wrong side of the tracks" sort of kid. As many people who think they're better than me, will point out if it wasn't for grants from the state, I won't even gone to college/university. You see, at first, I went to Mt.Hood Community College. For me at times, it felt like a death sentence and no one could understand why. The truth was unlike some of my classmates, I didn't want to stay at MHCC forever and that's what it seemed like being a loner without much friendship near  by. Plus, I've always had trouble trying to find a job and that's caused some hurtful comments and feelings. None of them have to find work around school. But I've shocked them all and even though, my plan changed a little bit, PSU is beautiful and I made it! Tomorrow will change everything!

Strange Houses-new poetry by myself

When you visit and stay at someone else's house, it is strange. It's as though you see half-truths. How do they act you wonder when you're not around? Of course, you'll never know. Do they clean things for you? Do they forget things knowing you're coming out of nerves? Does it matter? Would you think of them differently had you known what the house is like without you? Short-stays in strange places are quite strange. Are your feelings of oddom just you or something deeper? Lovely ideas, right.

G.G. Marquez's"A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings" Quick Notes

Pelayo and Elisenda find a angel(old man w/ enormous wings) when their child has a fever. The child recovers and his parents keep the chicken coop until the child, who was a baby starts school. The angel is an attraction for awhile and then not.  Then, the coop falls down and the angel lives in house for awhile. The angel is a nuisance in the house, becomes sick and Pelayo and Elisenda give him a blanket and fear he's dying, and when he's better he flies away. Pelayo and Elisenda are happy to see him go.